We all have expectations, of ourselves, of others, of life. Some are good at having realistic expectations, others not so much.
Right now I feel that I should be writing some seriously deep philosophical pieces, yet all I get from my brain is ....
Truth is I am tired. Very Very Tired. And I have been working on this tired for years. Constantly finding the energy, means, whatever was needed to get the job done. Kicking the proverbial can down the road just a little farther, digging deeper and finding more water in a well that had gone dry.
13 Years at a job that has ultimately destroyed more relationships than made for a house I owned for 9 years. However that sacrifice is also affording me much. I have had a materially comfortable life for most of that time, even if I was not able to participate in Life as I would have liked. Now That the house has sold and the job is ending the sacrifices made could allow me the ability to leverage them to a better life.
One of the biggest things the motorcycle accident February 16, 2018 did was give me time to think, to breathe. One of the biggest things my soon to be gone job does not afford me much of is time and space to think, to breathe. I can honestly say I now understand the Phrase "stop and smell the roses." It is this understanding that has me chaffing quite a bit as the days at my soon to be former job count down.
My hope with this new start on life and the harvest of the prior years is to set myself up so that I am not beholden to a job or a pay rate, but rather any job with sufficient hours or pay will do. Maybe with a little luck I will also be able to have my own business and with a little more luck that business can be something that feeds my soul rather than leaving me a haggard mess.
It is the understanding of what owning a "successful" business does to a person that has allowed me to work this soon to be former job. But my definition of success is different and more importantly I know it now at least. Success for me is not the fancy nor the expensive. Success for me will be the ability to go and do those things that feed my soul, while being able to provide the basics for myself.
But I get the drive for the expensive stuff, it is a trap, but I get it. The more expensive stuff you have or the more money you have the bigger the divide between what is uncomfortable and what is comfortable. The longer between the need to live hand to mouth, yet many would be probably surprised at how much those who have "money" are close to having less. Not to mention how much less they really have.
One thing I learned from working my soon to be former job, is that those who I work for will rarely, if ever, know what it is like to have a real friend. Those who I have worked for really only have alliances. The bad thing is that this mentality has spilled, as it is prone to do, over into those who have less. More and more I see people building alliances based off of the perceived value of a person based on what they have that is immediately needed, than true long lasting friendships.
Saturday, August 17, 2019
Thursday, June 13, 2019
Friends and Injury
I wasn't quite sure what to title this one...
There is that old saying/adage that to some effect says that you know who your friends are when you are at your lowest. I have some awesome friends. I have learned the validity of that saying many times over in the last bit of time.
What I didn't realize, and know a lot of people probably don't realize, is that we start to dismiss people when they are recovering. We see them get to a certain point and seem to say "ah they can take it from here." The friends I have kept in my life haven't.
Something else I also realized is that healing comes in phases and hills and valleys.
You have the very first phase, the one when you have a health care team working to get you healed ... to a certain point. That point is the point in which further contact is not needed, because you are at a point in which you have reached maximum possible recovery based on their medical standards. Most health care providers will happily see you past this point, but are also willing to not see you.
Then you have the second phase, it is still quite obvious there is something not quite right here and you need help. This is probably the easiest phase, ironically. Here you are healed enough that you can pretty much function on your own, but not quite and it is obvious. This phase is easiest because you can function on your own and others constantly ask or volunteer to help because it is still obvious that you need help. Also typically by the time you get to this phase the injury is still fresh and new in everyone's minds, your support network isn't tired yet.
The next phase, which is where I am now I think, you pretty much can appear "normal" with some slight aberrations or abnormalities, but this differences are with in what people consider acceptable. So for the most part people forget that you do have non normal limits, some of this is also my fault in that I do not like to show how difficult some things are for me.
It is this last phase that I think is where people get stuck and where those outside the experience of the injured often apply negative labels. It would be easy to get stuck here, as an injured person, because I have most of my ability to function normally back and can either think my way around the rest or have the means to pay for someone to do it.
There is that old saying/adage that to some effect says that you know who your friends are when you are at your lowest. I have some awesome friends. I have learned the validity of that saying many times over in the last bit of time.
What I didn't realize, and know a lot of people probably don't realize, is that we start to dismiss people when they are recovering. We see them get to a certain point and seem to say "ah they can take it from here." The friends I have kept in my life haven't.
Something else I also realized is that healing comes in phases and hills and valleys.
You have the very first phase, the one when you have a health care team working to get you healed ... to a certain point. That point is the point in which further contact is not needed, because you are at a point in which you have reached maximum possible recovery based on their medical standards. Most health care providers will happily see you past this point, but are also willing to not see you.
Then you have the second phase, it is still quite obvious there is something not quite right here and you need help. This is probably the easiest phase, ironically. Here you are healed enough that you can pretty much function on your own, but not quite and it is obvious. This phase is easiest because you can function on your own and others constantly ask or volunteer to help because it is still obvious that you need help. Also typically by the time you get to this phase the injury is still fresh and new in everyone's minds, your support network isn't tired yet.
The next phase, which is where I am now I think, you pretty much can appear "normal" with some slight aberrations or abnormalities, but this differences are with in what people consider acceptable. So for the most part people forget that you do have non normal limits, some of this is also my fault in that I do not like to show how difficult some things are for me.
It is this last phase that I think is where people get stuck and where those outside the experience of the injured often apply negative labels. It would be easy to get stuck here, as an injured person, because I have most of my ability to function normally back and can either think my way around the rest or have the means to pay for someone to do it.
Tuesday, May 28, 2019
Abortion Political Chicken
In the last few weeks there has been a political chicken game played over abortion. A game that I find highly offensive. Don't get me wrong, I am all for each and every person's opinion on the topic. Believe Abortion is the taking of a life; good for you. Believe that it is a woman's choice; good for you.
But let us look at some hard facts
The adoption system in America is crap. Once there was a time that a child could be dropped off with family and no one said boo. That time is not now. In order for families to adopt, they have to let some government institution in to their lives, they have to meet certain criteria as well. I get it, we all want the best for the child and the only way outsiders can ascertain that the child is actually going to a better place is by certain markers in life.
The foster system in American is more abusive than anything. This I know from a first hand account from someone who grew up in it. If dogs were constantly shuttled from one pound to another, constantly in and out of the pound even if it was on a yearly basis I know people who would cry abuse and protest. Yet this is what the foster system does and no one says otherwise, because at least the child is alive.
At least the child is alive.
What what life will that child have? I know from my own experience that as a human being I need a pack, a family, a group to call mine who also calls me theirs in spite of my awfulness. A child in the foster system does not have this. A child in an unstable home because the mother can not provide adequately on a consistent basis does not have this. This problem is not fixed through only waiting for marriage to have kids. If you haven't noticed it takes 2 incomes now to provide the basics for life for a family. I know it is rough on me when I am living by myself to provide for myself.
Let's get to the work place. While we are here let us also be honest, there are practically none that are conductive to having a child at work with the parent or even having a child at all. The time demands, the general conditions, you name it the work place is not conductive to raising children unless you have one parent living at home to care for it, but then there is the problem of having enough income to keep food on the table, a roof, and clothing.
Personally, it is a death sentence for myself or the fetus should I get pregnant. I do have access to a short period of time to give birth and maybe recover. But the stark reality is that I will likely be living at poverty levels after giving birth if I don't lose everything due to the requirements of responsibly keeping a kid. After all you can only leave work early or call out for work because you don't have someone to watch over the kid so many times before you are asked to leave. Having managed single parents, know the struggle they have well enough to know I don't want it.
So since most believe that for the unborn there is at least a very good chance of not ending up in hell . . . I have to ask ... Why is forcing a mother to birth a child into conditions that could be considered hell right?
But let us look at some hard facts
The adoption system in America is crap. Once there was a time that a child could be dropped off with family and no one said boo. That time is not now. In order for families to adopt, they have to let some government institution in to their lives, they have to meet certain criteria as well. I get it, we all want the best for the child and the only way outsiders can ascertain that the child is actually going to a better place is by certain markers in life.
The foster system in American is more abusive than anything. This I know from a first hand account from someone who grew up in it. If dogs were constantly shuttled from one pound to another, constantly in and out of the pound even if it was on a yearly basis I know people who would cry abuse and protest. Yet this is what the foster system does and no one says otherwise, because at least the child is alive.
At least the child is alive.
What what life will that child have? I know from my own experience that as a human being I need a pack, a family, a group to call mine who also calls me theirs in spite of my awfulness. A child in the foster system does not have this. A child in an unstable home because the mother can not provide adequately on a consistent basis does not have this. This problem is not fixed through only waiting for marriage to have kids. If you haven't noticed it takes 2 incomes now to provide the basics for life for a family. I know it is rough on me when I am living by myself to provide for myself.
Let's get to the work place. While we are here let us also be honest, there are practically none that are conductive to having a child at work with the parent or even having a child at all. The time demands, the general conditions, you name it the work place is not conductive to raising children unless you have one parent living at home to care for it, but then there is the problem of having enough income to keep food on the table, a roof, and clothing.
Personally, it is a death sentence for myself or the fetus should I get pregnant. I do have access to a short period of time to give birth and maybe recover. But the stark reality is that I will likely be living at poverty levels after giving birth if I don't lose everything due to the requirements of responsibly keeping a kid. After all you can only leave work early or call out for work because you don't have someone to watch over the kid so many times before you are asked to leave. Having managed single parents, know the struggle they have well enough to know I don't want it.
So since most believe that for the unborn there is at least a very good chance of not ending up in hell . . . I have to ask ... Why is forcing a mother to birth a child into conditions that could be considered hell right?
Sunday, May 26, 2019
Veggie Casserole
It all started with 1 Red Pepper, 2 Zucchini, 4 small Sweet Potato.
I don't have a zestier, so i have to peel, Julianne, and finely chop
Then juiced the lemon and added the peels
Added 1 can of Black Beans, lemon, 3-4 tablespoons of minced garlic, salt and pepper.
Added the mix to a greased 13x9 pan
Chia Seeds for the omega fats stuffs
The Salsa Crema (recipe found here). This stuff is an excellent replacement for sour cream.
Bake at 350F for 40 minutes and enjoy
Wednesday, April 3, 2019
Handling a Set Back
Today I was asked how I handled the Set Backs of the injury to my knee from the Motorcycle Accident on February 16, 2018 by a friend who is also dealing with physical limitations. Naturally this gets me to thinking and actually analyzing how I get this thing done. The answer I gave used the stages of life I have experienced already to shape it; childhood, teen, and adult.
As a child we are accustomed to having all of our needs provided for us. Children are also natural sponges for information and typically pick up more than some realize. The child also likes to play. These three qualities can be very useful when having to adapt to a new physical state. The child like quality of being an information sponge can allow you to pick up information from your body and other sources that will allow you to better adapt to your new physical abilities. While learning to adapt your thinking to your new physical abilities you will need that child like acceptance of help and sometimes this means always accepting help to achieve some items. A child's like of play can be used to make the whole process a "game" where the goal is to find out what you can do.
Teens. Teenagers are known for their rebellion. In this rebellion teens are working out what limits are actually beneficial for them and defining who they are separate from their parents. A teen's rebellious nature can be used to challenge what you think are your new limits and used to find new ways to achieve the same results. However, because we are talking about a change in physical ability this rebellion must be tempered by the Adult.
Just as teens are great at breaking rules; Adults are great at making rules. The rules imposed by adults are typically from either outside sources such as respected leaders/organizations or from life experience. Adult rules are there to limit behavior to what is considered correct or acceptable. Adults also guide the younger child and teens. Both of these tenancies can be used to keep the child on topic and keep the teen from further damaging one's self.
As a child we are accustomed to having all of our needs provided for us. Children are also natural sponges for information and typically pick up more than some realize. The child also likes to play. These three qualities can be very useful when having to adapt to a new physical state. The child like quality of being an information sponge can allow you to pick up information from your body and other sources that will allow you to better adapt to your new physical abilities. While learning to adapt your thinking to your new physical abilities you will need that child like acceptance of help and sometimes this means always accepting help to achieve some items. A child's like of play can be used to make the whole process a "game" where the goal is to find out what you can do.
Teens. Teenagers are known for their rebellion. In this rebellion teens are working out what limits are actually beneficial for them and defining who they are separate from their parents. A teen's rebellious nature can be used to challenge what you think are your new limits and used to find new ways to achieve the same results. However, because we are talking about a change in physical ability this rebellion must be tempered by the Adult.
Just as teens are great at breaking rules; Adults are great at making rules. The rules imposed by adults are typically from either outside sources such as respected leaders/organizations or from life experience. Adult rules are there to limit behavior to what is considered correct or acceptable. Adults also guide the younger child and teens. Both of these tenancies can be used to keep the child on topic and keep the teen from further damaging one's self.
Saturday, February 16, 2019
The Perils of Leadership
Originally Titled "What Makes a Hero?"
What Makes a Hero?
We have many examples in various different mediums of Heroes, But what makes a Hero a Hero?
Joseph Campbell gives an example of a Hero as someone who go forth then comes back with prior unknown knowledge.
Comics give examples of Heroes as people with extraordinary abilities who do extraordinary things.
Fiction will give examples of people being put in extraordinary situations, but coming out ahead.
I think that last one is really what we can most relate to. Those who have been put in extraordinary situations and still come out ahead; be that ahead, morally, emotionally, or otherwise.
**** for the record I really do not like that the only female in a cape, the universal symbol for heroes, is what it is. I have known way too many empowered females who do not fit that shape ***
Nurses, Doctors, Emergency Personnel ... They are all Heroes. Yet very few wear capes, or fit the picture above. These are people who dedicate often a decade of their life to learning just to serve ... us sick bastards who often do not give them or their families the credit they are due.
In this day and age of massive needs of help, our normal Heroes cannot save us, so we turn to imaginary ones; Comics, T.V., Movies, Etc. Yet in doing this we forget that these people we are expecting us to save us from ourselves are human just like us. In doing this we put the expectations of the fictional characters on them.
We set them up to fail us.
Let me repeat that ... WE set them up to fail us.
A human being is not a fictional character with extra attributes to help them in saving ourselves from ourselves. They are just as human as we are; just with a different knowledge set.
Not only are we setting up our emergency services to fail us, but we also set up our political leaders too. We expect our leaders to lead us out of this dead end cannon that we have chosen to go into, forgetting that it was our own head strong notions that got us there in spite of our leaders trying to lead us else where.
Why is this happening? It is actually the same mentality that the Nazi's had exploited. The willingness to do things that are abhorrent if there is a person who has ordered it with sufficient believable authority to absolve you of responsibility of the act. In other words; very few of us are willing or strong enough to withstand the full weight of social pressure.
yet we punish those who do...
Those who are strong enough to withstand the onslaught of social pressure face being numbed to the needs of others to the exclusion of their ideal or destroyed emotionally, physically, mentally by those who would help them.
It is time that those of us to make up the flock decide to take responsibility for what we expect others to do for us. If you are not willing to make the decisions; aka do the job yourself, then you need to stop telling those who are they are horrible. Instead try to understand the pressure that they are under from you and how you can change that pressure, because ...
Ultimately ...
Every leader depends on those they lead giving their power to them to lead.
It is time for those of us who follow a leader to take responsibility for the pressure we put on our leaders and give them better feed back on what we want.
Sunday, December 30, 2018
2019 Goals
After watching Sustainably Vegan on YouTube I got inspired to make some goals for 2019 for myself. Most of these goals were/have already been made at this point, but putting them in writing and planning the steps out makes it more real and will hopefully keep me from going over board. I have a habit of focusing on one thing to the exclusion of other things.
First goal is to complete the AutoCAD certification I started in 2018. This is my primary focus for the year as well, because it is my future. I do not like the person I am slowly turning back into at work. So getting out of the toxic environment is needed and it is not just the location I am working at, the whole field has gotten toxic because of the way those not in it treat those working.
The next piece of the puzzle for the life I want is multi-faceted. It is very difficult for me to maintain the amount of living space I have, so I need to reduce this. This is a need, not a want, it must happen and the sooner the better.
I was looking at the #vanLife movement, but realized while it is a great idea the application of would not work for me. #VanLife would be putting all my eggs in one basket; home and transportation. I like back up plans and living in a van would leave me with no back up. Instead I am looking at converting my existing old 14ft fiberglass boat into something livable. By using a trailer for a living space I reduce the moving parts in my "home" that need maintenance and provide myself a back up place to live aka the tow vehicle. I am going to plan/design for the total out come, but build toward it incrementally; thank you Daddy for teaching me this. This first step will require my newly acquired AutoCAD skills to create a blue print of the final design. The first build's goal is minimal investment to make tent camping in a solid structure happen with the ability to add on after. After the viability of the build and planning is proved in the first step then it will be incremental increases to the "comfort" of living in the boat/camper.
The next part of reducing my living space actually comes from the Minimalist and Zero Waste Movements. Finding items that are easy to acquire, but all have a function. This comes from the Minimalist and Zero Waste Movement, because they have done quite a bit of information spreading on things I need. Storage of food, good nutrition, cleaning. A lot of this information is not new to those older than me, and frankly some is not new to me, but there are many ideas out there that I have not encountered before. Focusing on this has also made me aware of how much the American Culture has conditioned me to buy things. For example; my first inclination for the trailer was to purchase one when I have a trailer stilling in my back yard. The mentality behind the Minimalist and Zero Waste Movements will be a good one for me to adopt if I am going to pull off living in a tiny home on wheels.
Then we have fitness. I have always been someone who likes to be fit/strong physically. Physical exertion helps me process stress and emotional issues for some reason. I am done trying to argue with this part of myself and just accept that this is the way I am. That being said it must be planned for, but in a manner that I will follow through with. After the motorcycle accident in February 2018 I am also left with an extra complication of catering to my knee. For some odd reason when you shatter your knee it causing all kinds of interesting results.
Fortunately I have gotten far enough in my recovery that my Personal Trainer Certification can take over as I am in the scaling of exercises that I know. Another good thing was that I was heavy into fitness prior to the accident, not only did this improve my recovery, but I also know my body much better than those who are not physical. All of that said, I still can't walk more than 3/4 a mile without the knee swelling and becoming difficult. So storing a bike will be needed.
That is my over all goal for 2019. The following is a bit of a monthly break down and I need to come up with a list of random challenges for myself to pick from.
First goal is to complete the AutoCAD certification I started in 2018. This is my primary focus for the year as well, because it is my future. I do not like the person I am slowly turning back into at work. So getting out of the toxic environment is needed and it is not just the location I am working at, the whole field has gotten toxic because of the way those not in it treat those working.
The next piece of the puzzle for the life I want is multi-faceted. It is very difficult for me to maintain the amount of living space I have, so I need to reduce this. This is a need, not a want, it must happen and the sooner the better.
I was looking at the #vanLife movement, but realized while it is a great idea the application of would not work for me. #VanLife would be putting all my eggs in one basket; home and transportation. I like back up plans and living in a van would leave me with no back up. Instead I am looking at converting my existing old 14ft fiberglass boat into something livable. By using a trailer for a living space I reduce the moving parts in my "home" that need maintenance and provide myself a back up place to live aka the tow vehicle. I am going to plan/design for the total out come, but build toward it incrementally; thank you Daddy for teaching me this. This first step will require my newly acquired AutoCAD skills to create a blue print of the final design. The first build's goal is minimal investment to make tent camping in a solid structure happen with the ability to add on after. After the viability of the build and planning is proved in the first step then it will be incremental increases to the "comfort" of living in the boat/camper.
The next part of reducing my living space actually comes from the Minimalist and Zero Waste Movements. Finding items that are easy to acquire, but all have a function. This comes from the Minimalist and Zero Waste Movement, because they have done quite a bit of information spreading on things I need. Storage of food, good nutrition, cleaning. A lot of this information is not new to those older than me, and frankly some is not new to me, but there are many ideas out there that I have not encountered before. Focusing on this has also made me aware of how much the American Culture has conditioned me to buy things. For example; my first inclination for the trailer was to purchase one when I have a trailer stilling in my back yard. The mentality behind the Minimalist and Zero Waste Movements will be a good one for me to adopt if I am going to pull off living in a tiny home on wheels.
Then we have fitness. I have always been someone who likes to be fit/strong physically. Physical exertion helps me process stress and emotional issues for some reason. I am done trying to argue with this part of myself and just accept that this is the way I am. That being said it must be planned for, but in a manner that I will follow through with. After the motorcycle accident in February 2018 I am also left with an extra complication of catering to my knee. For some odd reason when you shatter your knee it causing all kinds of interesting results.
Fortunately I have gotten far enough in my recovery that my Personal Trainer Certification can take over as I am in the scaling of exercises that I know. Another good thing was that I was heavy into fitness prior to the accident, not only did this improve my recovery, but I also know my body much better than those who are not physical. All of that said, I still can't walk more than 3/4 a mile without the knee swelling and becoming difficult. So storing a bike will be needed.
That is my over all goal for 2019. The following is a bit of a monthly break down and I need to come up with a list of random challenges for myself to pick from.
January Goals
- Wolf Moon Jan 21
Fitness
- Cardio Circuit 2x / week
Education
- 1 Autocad Lesson / week
Project: Transform Boat - Tent Camp Level
- Plan Lay Out - use AutoCAD
- Plan Building Steps
- Cost out supplies needed
Waste Reduction
- Face Cleaning pads from cotton crochet yarn
- Research Alternatives to Disposable Pads
February Goals
- Snow Moon Feb 19
Fitness
- Cardio Circuit 2x / week
- Total Body Strength Training Circuit 2x / week
Education
- 1 Autocad Lesson / week
- Contact Places of employment for freelance work
Project: Transform Boat - Tent Camp Level
- Purchase supplies
- Prep / pre cut
- Build deadline Mar 16
Waste Reduction
- Alternatives to Disposable Pads
- Research Cleaning (body and space)
March Goals
- Worm Moon Mar 21
- Phoenix Fest March 20 - 24
Fitness: Plan next 3 months
- Cardio Circuit 2x / week
- Total Body Strength Training Circuit 2x / week
Future Career
- Contact Places of employment for freelance work
- Find Social Networking Locations
Education
- Waste Reduction Ideas
- Heath
Project: Transform Boat - Tent Camp Level
- Purchase supplies
- Prep / pre cut
Build deadline Mar 16
Waste Reduction
- Cleaning
April Goals
- Pink Moon Apr 19
- Body Magic Apr 18 - 20
Fitness:
- Cardio
- Total Body
Future Career
- Contact Places of employment for freelance work
May Goals
- Flower Moon May 18
- FPG May 1 - 5
Fitness:
- Cardio
- Total Body
Future Career
- Contact Places of employment for freelance work
June Goals
- Strawberry Moon Jun 17
Fitness:
- Cardio
- Total Body
Future Career
- Contact Places of employment for freelance work
July Goals
- Buck Moon Jul 16
Fitness:
- Cardio
- Total Body
Future Career
- Contact Places of employment for freelance work
August Goals
- Sturgeon Moon Aug 15
Fitness:
- Cardio
- Total Body
Future Career
- Contact Places of employment for freelance work
September Goals
- Corn Harvest Moon Sep 14
Fitness:
- Cardio
- Total Body
Future Career
- Contact Places of employment for freelance work
October Goals
- Hunter’s Moon Oct 13
Fitness:
- Cardio
- Total Body
Future Career
- Contact Places of employment for freelance work
November Goals
- Beaver Moon Nov 12
Fitness:
- Cardio
- Total Body
Future Career
- Contact Places of employment for freelance work
December Goals
- Cold Moon Dec 12
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)