Where to Go From Here

When ever one encounters a major set back one is sometimes faced with the question of where to go from here. Many people will weight in on where you should go, what you should do, and the such, but that does not mean that is the direction you want to go in.

Where Do I Want to Go From Here?

My entire life up until recently has been about what has to be done. You would think that I would have learned by now and specifically after that horror show of a marriage that what I think I have to do is not always so. It has been so long since I have been free to dream. Dare I Dream now?

What really has to be done?

Maintaining the friendships and relations with my family is needed, as they are the emotional support system I have as well as support in other ways.

If I want to keep the building that has become my home I will need to pay my mortgage, electric bill, and water bill. As well as the related insurances and food requirements for myself.

To ensure that I get the best possible recovery and to be released for work I have to continue to see the doctor. On the same note to help with that healing process I will need to continue physical therapy.

But that is all I really have to do ... So Where Do I Want To Go From Here?

It is a hard question to answer for me.

• The Personal Trainer Certification I got because I was into the gym and wanted to reap the most benefits from my time there as well as reduce the possibility of hurting myself. The reason I started going to the gym? Kayaking. I found myself wanting to have more strength and endurance to increase my safety margin while paddling.

• I have worked security because it was the first job to offer me anything close to a wage that would allow me to move out on my own when I was 19. When the amount I was paid and the perks kept adding up I stuck with it.

But that doesn't answer the the Question. Lets rephrase it. What do I want to be when I grow up? ... Yeah that didn't help....

There was a time when I dreamed of being an artist, but I lost that creative spark while married not to mention the shear amount of work that has to be done to even get near what I was doing. There was a time when I wanted to be a physicist and work out how to create the matter tech from Star Trek; matter transport, matter creation, engine propulsion, etc. Again the shear amount of work to just get back to that point is just daunting. Because the thought of getting back to just the point where I left off on those two is daunting I know it is not the path for me now.

When I gave up on the dream of owning a business when the ex-husband forced me to leave the family business I stopped dreaming and I realize now I just never started again. It has been 12 years since I have had a dream. WOW that is a flooring realization.

All I had when I left my ex-husband was a car full of stuff, the car, and a job. It is my opinion that I have built rather nicely on that. So what can I build off of what I have now? Well first lets start with what I have.

• An amazing family and friends to support me. I don't think any of them truly understand that the biggest thing they give me is their time and feedback. I value more those who call me on my bullshit and point out where I am wrong than those who just go along with whatever I say.

• Management Skills. Through the years I have been very fortunate to have some seriously amazing managers take me under their wings and show me how to do it.

• Communication Skills. While I am not the most traditional of communicators; don't expect the more emotional communication you get from an average woman from me and we will be just fine. Add to it I just don't see the world the way everyone else does for some reason and it shows in how I put my words together.

• Ability to Learn. Aside from spelling and languages there is little I have trouble understanding and learning. To keep a-pace a demanding gated community's every whim while in a management position you have to keep your learning skills sharp. But everyone thinks I understand less than I do because I don't use big fancy words.

• Organizational Skills. For 5 years I documented, filed, and reformulated all information for an 18 person department. This includes vehicle maintenance, scheduling, equipment maintenance, normal operations, etc. Well just about anything you can think of that a department generates I kept it nice and neatly filed in a manner that anyone could walk in look at the file system and figure out where everything was.

With these skills I know I can make myself an invaluable member of any organization ... the question remains ... Where do I want to go?