We all have expectations, of ourselves, of others, of life. Some are good at having realistic expectations, others not so much.
Right now I feel that I should be writing some seriously deep philosophical pieces, yet all I get from my brain is ....
Truth is I am tired. Very Very Tired. And I have been working on this tired for years. Constantly finding the energy, means, whatever was needed to get the job done. Kicking the proverbial can down the road just a little farther, digging deeper and finding more water in a well that had gone dry.
13 Years at a job that has ultimately destroyed more relationships than made for a house I owned for 9 years. However that sacrifice is also affording me much. I have had a materially comfortable life for most of that time, even if I was not able to participate in Life as I would have liked. Now That the house has sold and the job is ending the sacrifices made could allow me the ability to leverage them to a better life.
One of the biggest things the motorcycle accident February 16, 2018 did was give me time to think, to breathe. One of the biggest things my soon to be gone job does not afford me much of is time and space to think, to breathe. I can honestly say I now understand the Phrase "stop and smell the roses." It is this understanding that has me chaffing quite a bit as the days at my soon to be former job count down.
My hope with this new start on life and the harvest of the prior years is to set myself up so that I am not beholden to a job or a pay rate, but rather any job with sufficient hours or pay will do. Maybe with a little luck I will also be able to have my own business and with a little more luck that business can be something that feeds my soul rather than leaving me a haggard mess.
It is the understanding of what owning a "successful" business does to a person that has allowed me to work this soon to be former job. But my definition of success is different and more importantly I know it now at least. Success for me is not the fancy nor the expensive. Success for me will be the ability to go and do those things that feed my soul, while being able to provide the basics for myself.
But I get the drive for the expensive stuff, it is a trap, but I get it. The more expensive stuff you have or the more money you have the bigger the divide between what is uncomfortable and what is comfortable. The longer between the need to live hand to mouth, yet many would be probably surprised at how much those who have "money" are close to having less. Not to mention how much less they really have.
One thing I learned from working my soon to be former job, is that those who I work for will rarely, if ever, know what it is like to have a real friend. Those who I have worked for really only have alliances. The bad thing is that this mentality has spilled, as it is prone to do, over into those who have less. More and more I see people building alliances based off of the perceived value of a person based on what they have that is immediately needed, than true long lasting friendships.
